How I feel…10 years on

Lotus Petal Family Support along with The Butterfly Mother, have set a photo challenge for this years Maternal Mental Health Awarenss Week. I wanted to use the opportunity to write as well as share a photo.


Today’s photo theme – How I feel.

So, I wanted to reflect on how I feel 10 years on from my first experience of postnatal depression, as a 19 year old, first time mum.


How do I feel?


Who I was before PND is a somewhat distant memory. I was young, terrified and unsure what the future would hold. The dark cloud of PND enveloped everything I knew, about myself, my relationships and the world. There I was some months later, thrown out from this cloud, wondering what had even happened and importantly; how I had survived.

I changed because I discovered strength within me I hadn’t known existed. I learnt how resilient I am, when faced with hard times. Sure, sometimes I wished I could just hide away cry, scream, shout and wait until it had all blown over, and everything was good again. However, I fought through the tough days, the long weeks and the seemingly endless months, because I knew I could get better.

The changed person I am is stronger, braver and damn proud of the battles I overcame.

Adjusting to the newer version of me has taken a long time, but it was a journey worth taking.


Stay with me on this one, yes I feel very sad that I experienced postnatal depression, however without those battles, I wouldn’t maybe be as aware as I am of the struggles that so many mothers and fathers face when they embark upon their journeys as parents. It makes me so sad, that so many are left without the support they truly need and that I was one of those parents. I didn’t get what I needed and it shouldn’t ever be that way. EVER


Overall, I feel inspired. To keep fighting for everyone to receive the support they deserve, it is not just PND. OCD, Anxiety, Antenatal Depression, Postnatal Psychosis, PTSD, Birth Trauma and Postnatal Depression in fathers, all deserve the awareness and money put into ensuring those suffering get the support they need.

At the end of it all,I am different, I am changed but I am brave, determined, inspired and not afraid to tell the world that; This is me.

Created for me Summer Shines Studio

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